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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28256634">Balance.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhHelloFandoms123/pseuds/OhHelloFandoms123'>OhHelloFandoms123</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Fluff, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, I wrote this bc i watched the last jedi for the first time last night, Jedi Master!Sharon, Jedi!AU, Jedi!Sam, Lightsaber go brrrr, M/M, Meet-Cute, Sadness, Someone almost dies in here, Star Wars!au, also bc im writing this for a good person, angstier than I intended oops, i just neeeded some good jedi fluff, lord help me, pilot!bucky, riley is mentioned</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:40:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28256634</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhHelloFandoms123/pseuds/OhHelloFandoms123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Young Jedi Sam struggles with attachment as Bucky helps him through trauma.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Balance.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siancore/gifts">Siancore</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is for a very amazing person @Siancore 💖 You don't HAVE to know everything about Star Wars to read this!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Force. It’s not a power that includes lifting rocks and going into people’s minds…it's an energy. An energy that flows between all things. It’s an energy field created by all life and is connected to everything in the universe. Sam Wilson was still trying to understand it. Especially after their newest loss. His wingman, Riley, was a part of one of the X-Wing squadrons and was shot down during the battle. Now he’s sitting here, playing with his light-coloured Jedi robes, fiddling with it. </p><p>Jedi are meant to be compassionate, strong…determined. Some days Sam doesn’t feel like that. Was he allowed to <em>feel</em>? He was told that Jedi shouldn’t give <em> into emotion. </em>But, Master Jedi Sharon, says that it is okay to feel things because that is how we are created, the most important thing is to not give into hate or anger. Sam was angry right now, he was angry he let his friend die in a battle, he was angry that he had these powers and didn’t know what to do with it.</p><p>Bucky was a part of that battle, with the X-Wings. He was a skilled pilot and was devastated to hear that many pilots and ships were lost. He was walking down the hallway when he heard crying. He stopped in his tracks, just up ahead was Jedi Knight, Sam Wilson. He always watched him from afar, his skill with the laser sword was incredible…not only that but he was gorgeous. The lightsaber was coloured blue, blue lightsabers mean justice and protection. </p><p>Anyone who wields it fights for the light side and are cunning warriors. Little did he know, Bucky was the web that Sam was going to be stuck in, the strings were going to be muddled and messy…Attachment was forbidden. But everything is balanced, right? Sam stopped, he sensed Bucky outside his door. The young pilot straightened out his uniform and knocked. </p><p>“Master Jedi?” He asked. The doors split open with ease. Sam was sitting there with a light smile on his face, you could tell he’s been crying. “Are you…alright?” The first thing Sam noticed was the orange X-Wing uniform and the stranger’s long-tied back hair. The thing was, he looked familiar.</p><p>He smiled, he removed his hands from his robes and spoke: “I’m good.” Bucky could see he was lying, “you lost someone, didn’t you?” He felt like he was intruding but he could tell the Jedi was rather sad. Bucky stumbled on his words and his cheeks warmed “er…I’m Bucky.” He stuck out his gloved hand to the Jedi. Sam laughed, he was quite awkwardly adorable. “Hello Bucky,” he shook his hand “I…thank you for asking. I just…lost a friend in the fight.” </p><p>Bucky sat down next to him, “who was it?”</p><p>“Riley,” he smiled softly. Bucky wanted to protect this man, although he was already capable…he just wanted to see him happy. Although they’ve only met briefly - he just wanted to hold him so closely and feel his heartbeat. Sam paused “I’ve seen you around.” He said, remembering those stark blue eyes. “You’re a pilot, you have good skill. Steve notices your efforts.” Bucky smiled and thanked him. </p><p>Sam then told him the great stories of the Jedi and the rich history of how the Jedi were idolised in the Clone Wars, how many people died, survived…the compelling-ness of the Force. Over time, Sam would tell Bucky stories in between breaks. Bucky would show him his favourite parts of an X-Wing or a ship…It was a late night and Bucky was fixing an engine of a shuttle. A familiar Freighter ship rolled into the boarding deck. Sam and his Master, Sharon are exiting the ship - it was a late night and Sam noticed Bucky was still awake. </p><p> He bid his master goodbye and walked over to his friend. He’s gotten quite fond of the pilot, he was funny, sweet, considerate and always a good person to hang out with. “Are you still up?” He folded his arms and chuckled. Bucky had grease all over his jacket and there was sweat on his forehead. He smiled at him, he dusted himself off and said, ever so sweetly: “I stayed up to wait for you.” Bucky explained, a look in his eyes that spoke wonders, a whole galaxy just waiting to be explored.</p><p>Sam’s heart melted, he was so kind. So good - maybe he could be a better Jedi than him, if he had the Force.</p><p>“You didn’t need to.” Sam mumbled, blushing, then he gestured to Bucky to join him on a walk. Bucky packed up all his gear and carried his toolbox with him. “What was wrong with the engine?”</p><p>“Some wires didn’t connect, blah blah, you know the rest.” Sam had a soft smile on his face. One that Bucky would cherish forever. They decided to stay up and drink, playing with coins and tokens from their missions and past. Sam had a good distraction, after what happened to Riley - Bucky’s been a real angel, helping him cope. They were in Bucky’s quarters, Sam took off his cloak - Bucky couldn’t help but eye how pretty he looked in the Jedi robes. “Does it ever get hot in there”?” Bucky asked, fiddling with an X-Wing model from his shelf. </p><p> Sam laughed, knowing that he was a bit of a flirt. “Sometimes,” he replied, laying his robes on the table. There was a moment of silence, “James?” Sam looked at him adoringly. There was something so special about Sam, about how he connected to everything. He had a good balance. His friend perked at the calling of his real name “yeah?” He sat up and stared at him for a while. Sam sat down next to him.</p><p>“Thank you.” He looked down to his lightsaber. There are so many rules…trials. It was confusing at first. “I - you really helped me with so much.” <em>No attachment, right</em>?</p><p>Maybe they were more than friends at this point - because, at this second, they were holding hands. “Y-You’re welcome,” Bucky blushed. </p><p>Sam can hold a lightsaber, especially in this mission to save the kidnapped rebels. He can use one very well. The stormtroopers in their black and white armour were intimidating. He fought in Form II: Makashi and Form IV: Atanu. He was quite skilled in fighting off things acrobatically and carefully. He was a strong fighter. His lightsaber made the noise <em>vroom! Pew! Pew! </em>As he blocked laser bullets and dodged a knock to the head. His Master was proud of him. They soon took over the ship and rescued the kidnapped. Sweat dripped down from his face. Just outside the Imperial Cruiser, was the X-Wing squadron, Bucky smiled at him and spoke through the comms.</p><p>“You did well Master Jedi, thanks for the help. Now I owe you one.”</p><p>Sam couldn’t help but smile back.</p><p>The next few weeks were lonely, Sam had gone on a retreat mission, after feeling himself going to the dark side - it was very difficult for him to suppress his feelings for Bucky. Bucky knew that they either had to give this up or risk a lot of things for them to be together. Where was Sam? Sam was sitting on a stone. He had his eyes closed. He felt the force flowing through him, around him.</p><p>“Good.” Said Sharon, “reach out, feel the energy and life. Describe to me, what do you <em>feel</em>?” </p><p>There was a chill going down his spine, he saw the waves crashing on the rocks, the birds in the trees, the sunlight pouring down. “Life. Peace. Balance.” He smiled - then there was an image. An image of Bucky, standing there like an angel with inviting eyes…he reached out his hand to Sam and smiled. </p><p>His master sensed his conflict, “Sam!” She called. Sam’s energy felt distant and dark. She whipped out her green lightsaber in the dark cave that they were in, bringing it closer to see if he was alive. There was only one word he whispered, like a mantra: “Bucky,” Sam could only see Bucky, there in his iridescent glory of light and love. He wanted it so bad but it was just out of reach. He then snapped out of it, Bucky was gone. </p><p>“Sam,” she said sternly. The lightsaber made the <em>vroom </em>as it got put away.</p><p>“It felt like a blissful nightmare.” Sam felt so guilty, his conflict and disruptiveness rose every day. He was so deep in love…he didn’t know what to do. Bucky felt the same, each day he wondered if his wonderful star would come home safe. If he would see the light of day like the binary suns, intertwined in blissful harmony.</p><p>“That was the dark side,” she sighed, sitting next to him. “What conflict do you have?” Master Sharon Carter was a wise Jedi and she knew that Sam was still young, but strong with the force. “Attachment.” He said softly, holding his lightsaber and running along the edge of it. </p><p>No one chose this life, but it was the only life he had. </p><p>“Sam,” she smiled softly “you’re a strong Jedi. We all struggle with these things. When I was your age, I had attachments too. Some other Master might tell you to let them go, but I’d rather say: Don’t let them go, but appreciate your feelings for them. The Force is a powerful thing and it brings people together.”</p><p>Violence, it took over like the waves on the beach, easily sucked in and easily executed. Jedi are meant to defend.</p><p>Sam turned on his lightsaber, watching the blue glowing light reflect on the rocky surface below. He felt the balance within him, the conflict stirring - the desire. He knows he’s better than this, he can grow from whatever the world gives him. Maybe not from Bucky. Bucky is something that he can’t run away from. For now.</p><p>“Thank you, Master Carter.” He said, turning the lightsaber off, letting himself emerge in the darkness to reflect on this more.</p><p>It was hours later when Bucky’s face lit up at the sight of Sam. The Jedi smiled at the sight of his ruffled helmet hair and the blue excited eyes. He ran up and hugged him. “I missed you, Jamie.” Bucky let the moment sink it, everything felt right - it felt great.</p><p>“I missed you too.” He said softly. He could feel that Sam was worried. “What’s wrong, Sammy?” That nickname hurt harder than a blaster to the head. “I have an attachment,” he mumbled quietly. “I have an attachment to <em>you.</em>” He looked up and saw his eyes. Those beautiful eyes that he wasn’t allowed to fall in love with all those months ago…</p><p>“I know,” Bucky sighed, bringing his hand closer “Sam…you - you made me feel things that were beyond comprehension - and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I brought you into conflict.” </p><p>“You didn’t do anything,” Sam smiled “it’s just the rules. We just needed balance.” </p><p>Balance didn’t happen. Many months later, after that confession, many rebels died. Many people died. Sam was next to Bucky in the Medbay, holding his hand as the machines beeped and the droids scurried around to find help and assistance. He can’t lose Bucky like how he lost Riley. He can’t lose anyone anymore. Bucky crashed on the planet of Hoth, the ice planet that almost froze people to death. He was unconscious, still breathing…</p><p>Sam stayed up in the night, it was very late but he couldn’t leave his best man alone. Then, he fell asleep. The next morning, he found out that Bucky was almost dead. He wasn’t allowed to visit the Medbay anymore. </p><p>Now here he is, sitting there in his quarters, saying this simple thing: “I am one with the Force and the Force is with me.” The things around him were more visible and he felt a voice, he heard a voice. All the day down many halls, Bucky could sense Sam, his presence, his kindness - his heart… </p><p>“<em>Sam</em>,” he whispered. His heartbeat was going up and he was gaining life. Sam could feel him smiling, he could feel Bucky’s future - it was bright and warm: and it was with him. </p><p>The droids scrambled around to make sure Bucky <em>stayed alive. </em>Sam’s eyes opened when he realised. His heart raced and everything was good. There was balance in his own soul. Soon after all of this, Sam hugged Bucky like he was the only person in the room. He was so happy, so enlightened that he was okay.</p><p>“You bastard,” Sam sighed, on the verge of tears, “I thought you were going to die!”</p><p>Bucky stroked Sam’s hair and his body lovingly, tenderly “it’s okay, Sam. I’m here. I’m here. We’re okay.” Then, Bucky gave him a light kiss, knowing it would be their first and last one to have. It felt wonderful, like all the happiness in the world was at this moment. It was pure satisfaction. Now, everything was balanced. Just them and the Force in their ever-longing bond.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! Feedback is appreciated! Follow me on tumblr: @pianistwriter80</p></blockquote></div></div>
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